Here is something that I have found to be true about acceptance. In order to fully accept something that is not what I wanted, there is some grieving that comes along with it. We say “acceptance” like it happens all at once. It seems often to be more of an acceptance process, involving repeating elements of
- Recognizing the need for acceptance
- Feeling the loss of what will not be – for whatever length of time
- Trying on the new life view
- Staying with the thoughts and feelings that arise, waiting for them to dissolve… perhaps this is, in the words of Sarah Blondin, “Can I wait in peace until Grace comes?”
Some examples of situations in my life where I have gone, or am going through, this acceptance process involving grief are:
- -Loving my body as it is today so that I can eat when I’m hungry and stop at enough.
- -The irretrievable dissolution of a long marriage.
- -My lost health.
- -My children’s difficulties.
- -Deaths of loved ones.
- -Aging.
Those are all big ones. But how about things like disrupted travel plans? Or unexpected illnesses that change things for awhile but not forever? Or having something stolen or lost that is replaceable, but a hassle? Like loss of a wallet or a smart phone? First, we grapple with the need for acceptance that this is true. We must come to grips with all the inconveniences, and perhaps expenses, that will be ours until we have replaced everything. This is the life we are having right now and it’s not the life we were wanting to have today. As we feel the upset feelings, we may also open to seeing ourselves moving toward accepting what is, while acting to remedy the problem. If we are very accepting, we may even discover that we are waiting in peace until (our new phone or driver’s license) comes!
Have you experienced grief while processing acceptance?
Would you share an example of big things or everyday things that caused you to grieve a loss while you approached acceptance?
Are there times you have been able to wait in peace until Grace came?